For the past month & a half life has just been a blurr. I've just been going to work, coming home, seeing my friends, & spending time w/ pap--not really sitting down & thinking about things. Today being Friday, February 13th, means that my 22nd bday is only 2 days away. Let alone 2morrow being Valentine's Day. The 2 days a yr that I always hated so much b/c of not having a Valentine most of the time, but loving @ the same time b/c I knew I spent time w/ my grandparent's on my bday. It's just so hard this yr. Now that Nin's gone, I just can't seem to face reality anymore. It's all just a really bad dream. A really HORRIBLE dream! Every time I would go to do something that my mother didn't like, all I had to do was call Nin. Nin would talk to her & say to 'let it go, she's growing up & she's gotta do what she wants to sometimes'. I don't have that now, so I'm stuck. Just plain stuck in this world of misery that I don't wanna be in. I miss her so much! I so wasn't ready for this & I have a feeling I'm gonna end up all alone on a small island somewhere far FARRR away.
Dear Lord, Please give me the strength to live this life to the fullest until it's time to see that beautiful face again. I've loved her all my life, as I will continue to love her forever. Amen."