And A New Chapter Begins...

Well; it's been alittle over 6 mths since I called it quits w/ my ex. We've still kept in touch quite often, just talking about life. (3 yrs is really hard to just throw completely away) He says he still loves me 'n all & that's really sweet, but I've lost that interest in him. Just waiting for a yr & half for him to straighten up, I just gave up. I can't wait forever, especially when he shows no motive to wanna do what has to be done.

On a lighter note; I've met a new guy. He's very very sweet & very interested in my life & family(unlike most others from before). I don't even know how to explain it other than he's just plain amazing. O:-)

Well; that's all I've got for now, so until next time!

<3<3<3<3<3

What now?!

For the past month & a half life has just been a blurr. I've just been going to work, coming home, seeing my friends, & spending time w/ pap--not really sitting down & thinking about things. Today being Friday, February 13th, means that my 22nd bday is only 2 days away. Let alone 2morrow being Valentine's Day. The 2 days a yr that I always hated so much b/c of not having a Valentine most of the time, but loving @ the same time b/c I knew I spent time w/ my grandparent's on my bday. It's just so hard this yr. Now that Nin's gone, I just can't seem to face reality anymore. It's all just a really bad dream. A really HORRIBLE dream! Every time I would go to do something that my mother didn't like, all I had to do was call Nin. Nin would talk to her & say to 'let it go, she's growing up & she's gotta do what she wants to sometimes'. I don't have that now, so I'm stuck. Just plain stuck in this world of misery that I don't wanna be in. I miss her so much! I so wasn't ready for this & I have a feeling I'm gonna end up all alone on a small island somewhere far FARRR away.

Dear Lord, Please give me the strength to live this life to the fullest until it's time to see that beautiful face again. I've loved her all my life, as I will continue to love her forever. Amen."

As one life ends, another begins...

Christmas was nice. I worked & spent it w/ family. New Year's was absolutely horrible. Nin & I talked on New Year's Eve & decided that we'd bring in the new year together-sleeping. LOL We did, it was nice. Only to then find out that Nin was NOT doing good @ all. She passed away on Jan 2, 2009. She had been 8 yrs lung cancer free, had had a pericardial window(to drain the excess fluid) put into her heart, almost had cyfoplasty(a very strong form of radiation), had cyberknife done to fix her back, ended up w/ C Diff & that was pretty much when we knew. She just didn't get any better after the back surgery. She had also had several aneurysms that had started rapidly growing w/in the past yr or so. Her aneurysms in her abdomin had broken & thats really what killed her more than the horrible infection from the C Diff. It's taken quite a toll on everyone. As for me; I'm here. Trying to hang in there, but not really working so well. It's killing me. I'm really just not thinking about it. The fact of a very good friend passing away that same day from Leukemia(he was my age), did not help matters either. I'm just one giant mess anymore. I fully admit to it & have no clue how I'm gonna fix it.

As for the b/f situation. It's trouble. Big trouble! I've hit my breaking point. I can't sit back & watch him laze around one more day. I just can't. I most definitely can't see myself 5 yrs down the road, getting really sick & having to be off work but can't b/c there's no money to pay for anything since he doesn't have a steady job. I just can't do it!

Now let's just hope my wisdom teeth get taken out soon--I really can't wait anymore! *crosses fingers*

My mom's friend just had her baby girl yesterday & I'm so happy for her. Her (almost)1 yr old son will have someone to play w/. :-D She's so adorable too!

It's time for a new yr...

It's almost Christmas, and I'm content. Work is going just fine. (Unfortunately, I work all next week & the following~which means I work Christmas & New Year's eves & holidays--but I have weekends off still, so that's a plus.) I didn't pass my pre-entrance exam (but I only have to retake 2 of the 4 parts of the test this time) so I'm going to look into some classes to help me out in the spring. :) Life @ home is normal for me, nothing new. The b/f is an interesting case. He hasn't truely worked in over a month, but is working weekend evenings @ a local club cooking. It seems to me as tho he has no desire to really work & earn money. He says he does, but if he did he wouldn't be in this situation. Christmas is less than a week away & after after 2 1/2 yrs & can honestly say I'm more than excited to work & be busy on Christmas day. I don't wanna think about the fact that I'm getting nothing special for Christmas. You'd think that he would've saved up (knowing Christmas only comes once a yr), but NO! No money for any gifts for anyone. Who does that? Who doesn't even attempt to go Christmas shopping? In a long-term relationship, it's a given that birthdays & holidays are NEVER forgotten. I don't get it. He acts like nothing's wrong & all he can say is "Do you wanna leave me?," and most of the time I say to myself 'YES!'. So I tell him no b/c I love him(I really do), I just can't stand knowing what's available out there & what he says he can't do so he doesn't even try. I'm so tired of the laziness. Pure laziness. I'm hoping that Christmas w/ my family will brighten my spirits some & I'll forget all about how upset I truely am inside. I know it doesn't help w/ the holidays making me think of my dad. It's the 'family' thing, & I always miss how it used to be when I was young. Watching what mom & dad both open what they got from Santa. Oh well. I guess it will all work itself out. At least I hope so. I know I'm completely stuck. Can't turn back, can't go around it, & can't go forward @ all. It might actually do me some good this yr to bring in the new yr alone too. (Since I work, I'm not doing anything.)

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year! 8-)

Hoping for a new beginning...

I got a new job @ Shadyside Hospital a few wks ago as a telephone operator. I like it SO MUCH better that the old job! ;) Every job has its drama & rough points, but for the most part taking this job was for the better. I took my pre-admissions exam last saturday to get into nursing school. Let's hope I get in. *crosses fingers*

The love life is a whole different story. It's been going pretty downhill for quite a few months now, I've just chose to ignore it. I've hit the end. I can't handle it anymore. There are days I wanna avoid him completely & say go the f*** away, & other days I sorta miss how it used to be. It was nice in the beginning. Cards, flowers, & just being so interested in how my day went. Now; it's like 'eh, w/e'. He'll listen, but there's next to no interest. :-\ There are several options that have arose to start a new beginning & be happy again. I just don't really know how to do it. I love this one, I really do. I just can't stand how he lives his life & doesn't care or have any intentions of changing how he does things. (Or should I say, things he doesn't do?) Job-wise I'm content, friends & family-wise I'm wonderful--I miss them all!; but love-wise I just don't seem happy anymore. There just seems to be no future there anymore. All I see is living next to a junk yard--which I don't want! I think it's about time for an upgrade in my life. Time for something/someone who isn't always gonna have me so worried about what's coming next. I'd rather just be wondering instead of worrying. O:-)

An Update On Life...

Well work @ Magee is still the same--SUCKSSSS!!! But I've gone on several interviews lately so lets hope something goes good. ;)

And I know it seems like everyone says this, but for me I really believe it's true: "Once something good comes along, something bad always seems to follow."
I go thru all these interviews & a few seem pretty promising, but of course my mother HAS to ruin it by saying "I hope your boyfriend will still pick you up @ 11 when you work that late even w/ his new job." ..He's gotta work be @ work @ 6am, and she just leaves @ that time & she still wants HIM to come all that way to pick me up from work, take me home, & go home himself?! I DON'T THINK SO!!!

But anywho, life as a whole is okay. I still can't wait to get my new ring & become stable enough to get outta here! Then; early next year, I'll be going to Florida to check out some beaches to see exactly where it's all gonna take place in 2010. 8-) I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Well; that's a basic update on my life. Ttyl <3>



(Destin, FL) 8-)

It's been about a year since I last wrote on here. Well; all is well, & going on 2 years w/ the boyfriend! ;-) It seems like it's been SO much longer, I just can't believe it. I started working at Magee-Women's Hospital in September '07 doing housekeeping and escorting on the labor and delivery unit.

As for last month-it couldn't of gone by fast enough. I had been having constant headaches w/ MAJOR pressure for about 2 months beforehand, and saw a neurosurgeon on March 31, 2008. As it turned out, I needed major brain surgery and a spinal tap to measure the amount of fluid & pressure in my head. (They were certain that my shunt had failed; which meant I had a blockage and fluid had built up on my brain-hence the headaches w/ pressure.) So on the morning of April 8, 2008, I had my surgery. (REALLY freaky how I had my shunt originally placed on April 12, 1987--ALMOST exactly 21 years later!) They put me to sleep and did the spinal tap; then, went in and removed the blockage and the fluid instantly started draining right again. Immediately after surgery while I was laying in the recovery room, I started to cry b/c I didn't have a headache anymore. Having as many medical problems as I did as a kid, it's pretty amazing when the surgeon comes to see you after surgery and tell you to your face "You were VERY CLOSE to dying before that surgery!". It's funny knowing I thought I felt fine before. I was just getting older which meant I inherited the bad headaches that my family all has. And NOW. I feel SO much better! The scariest part to me (besides the surgeon telling me I almost died) was knowing that a normal amount of pressure and fluid on the brain is 70%, and my percentage on the day of surgery was OVER 300%! That's SO DEADLY!!!!!

Anyway, I'm all better now. Having a nice time being off work for 6 weeks. Going back the week of May 19th. BOO! haha Aside from all that craziness, on April 11, 2008, a very good family friend passed away of a massive heart attack at the age of 56! It hit everyone so hard. I took it so hard not only b/c I KNEW he would be the ONE person to wanna see my scar right away just to make a joke about to make me laugh and for the fact that he was the life of all the family get togethers at my aunts, but b/c the whole time I thought to myself "that COULD'VE been me". Really changes your outlook on life. RIP Rich! ;(

It's About TIME!

This year was off to a fairly rough start. W/ being completely dicked over by McD's & then having to deal w/ my best friend going to Ireland for 4 mths. After alittle while of getting over all my obstacles, I started to smile again as I got on w/ my life. I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend who I've been w/ for almost a year now(May 11th), and I love dearly w/ all my heart & soul. I'm so glad I have him & all my great friends. W/o them I probably would've crashed & burned a week after my best friend left the country. It's now just alittle over a month until she comes back to the states from studying abroad & I can't wait! :-D

I'm just so glad that classes are going well for me; even though the work thing still isn't so great, but I'm still doing fine. Just waiting for the day that I'm able to look my mother in the face & say that 'I'm outta here!' w/ a ring on my finger so I can finally start my life w/ the love of my life. :-* As for my family & and friends; all is well, & I just can't wait to see my best friend again! :-)

Who doesn't LOVE a good slideshow?!

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Well; that's life...

Well; the last relationship didn't seem to work out, but I'm really diggin' this one and I know it's gonna work out for the best this time. I used to always say 'Yeah; he's PART of what I've always wanted..'; but when it comes to this one, he really is everything I've ever wanted. He's amazing, funny, great to talk to, AMAZING blue eyes, AND he's a country boy! (Always a plus in my book!) :-D Okay, that's all I have for now. Lovin' life to the fullest! :-)

Another Chance...

Well; I've been talking to this kid for a few days now; and he seems really nice! Everytime we talk, we're always jokin' around and just laughin' about who knows what! (Gotta love a good sense of humor!) I am, however; really starting to fall for him b/c he's just amazing! (My family, however; seems to try and tell me otherwise.) But, ya know what?! It's my life, and I'm gonna live it MY WAY! They just need to realize, that YES; their opinions do count for something, but when it comes to my personal life, I live it THE WAY I WANNA LIVE IT!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" -'nuff said!

Wow! It's been quite the nite/day! First I get the WORST news of my life!(NEVER thought I would EVER hear that!) Then, MORE BAD NEWS! ...Don't really feel like explaining details; but all in all; IT'S GETTING WORSE! I mean; the more I think about it all(CAN'T STOP!-obvioulsy!), the more mad/upset I get; and the more I just wanna die! ...In SOME WAYS, I wanna go home! NOW! But then again; I really don't!(for so many reasons!-too much MORE idiotic crap to deal w/ there!) Somebody SAVE ME!!! I just need to scream: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Okay, I feel somewhat better now. I'm OUT! Lata, y'all!

MY KITTY!(RIP Peachy! 'Home's definitely not the same w/o you to cuddle w/ at nite! Jake's so lost w/o you too! He's now become my new sidekick at home b/c he knows that I'm just as lonely as he is w/o you there!" *Mwah!*) I LOVE YOU!!! 

My new baby cousin, Matthew! 

Trish and me on our last day @ NHS! (We were the BEST DAMN attendance secretaries that Norwin had EVER seen! -"Guard *the pen* w/ your life!!!" LOL Trish!) 

Trish, Kendge, and me on our last day @ NHS! 

Kendge, Trish, and me @ the Kenny Chesney concert! 

Me and Trish @ ENP after graduation!(the nite we'll all NEVER FORGET!-CLOWN CAR!) lol 

Kendge, Trish, and me after graduation! 

Hungry, Kendge, Trish, and me after graduation!