And A New Chapter Begins...

Well; it's been alittle over 6 mths since I called it quits w/ my ex. We've still kept in touch quite often, just talking about life. (3 yrs is really hard to just throw completely away) He says he still loves me 'n all & that's really sweet, but I've lost that interest in him. Just waiting for a yr & half for him to straighten up, I just gave up. I can't wait forever, especially when he shows no motive to wanna do what has to be done.

On a lighter note; I've met a new guy. He's very very sweet & very interested in my life & family(unlike most others from before). I don't even know how to explain it other than he's just plain amazing. O:-)

Well; that's all I've got for now, so until next time!

<3<3<3<3<3

What now?!

For the past month & a half life has just been a blurr. I've just been going to work, coming home, seeing my friends, & spending time w/ pap--not really sitting down & thinking about things. Today being Friday, February 13th, means that my 22nd bday is only 2 days away. Let alone 2morrow being Valentine's Day. The 2 days a yr that I always hated so much b/c of not having a Valentine most of the time, but loving @ the same time b/c I knew I spent time w/ my grandparent's on my bday. It's just so hard this yr. Now that Nin's gone, I just can't seem to face reality anymore. It's all just a really bad dream. A really HORRIBLE dream! Every time I would go to do something that my mother didn't like, all I had to do was call Nin. Nin would talk to her & say to 'let it go, she's growing up & she's gotta do what she wants to sometimes'. I don't have that now, so I'm stuck. Just plain stuck in this world of misery that I don't wanna be in. I miss her so much! I so wasn't ready for this & I have a feeling I'm gonna end up all alone on a small island somewhere far FARRR away.

Dear Lord, Please give me the strength to live this life to the fullest until it's time to see that beautiful face again. I've loved her all my life, as I will continue to love her forever. Amen."

As one life ends, another begins...

Christmas was nice. I worked & spent it w/ family. New Year's was absolutely horrible. Nin & I talked on New Year's Eve & decided that we'd bring in the new year together-sleeping. LOL We did, it was nice. Only to then find out that Nin was NOT doing good @ all. She passed away on Jan 2, 2009. She had been 8 yrs lung cancer free, had had a pericardial window(to drain the excess fluid) put into her heart, almost had cyfoplasty(a very strong form of radiation), had cyberknife done to fix her back, ended up w/ C Diff & that was pretty much when we knew. She just didn't get any better after the back surgery. She had also had several aneurysms that had started rapidly growing w/in the past yr or so. Her aneurysms in her abdomin had broken & thats really what killed her more than the horrible infection from the C Diff. It's taken quite a toll on everyone. As for me; I'm here. Trying to hang in there, but not really working so well. It's killing me. I'm really just not thinking about it. The fact of a very good friend passing away that same day from Leukemia(he was my age), did not help matters either. I'm just one giant mess anymore. I fully admit to it & have no clue how I'm gonna fix it.

As for the b/f situation. It's trouble. Big trouble! I've hit my breaking point. I can't sit back & watch him laze around one more day. I just can't. I most definitely can't see myself 5 yrs down the road, getting really sick & having to be off work but can't b/c there's no money to pay for anything since he doesn't have a steady job. I just can't do it!

Now let's just hope my wisdom teeth get taken out soon--I really can't wait anymore! *crosses fingers*

My mom's friend just had her baby girl yesterday & I'm so happy for her. Her (almost)1 yr old son will have someone to play w/. :-D She's so adorable too!